


Fragmented

by Princex_N



Series: The Sun Rose as Red as Blood [3]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autistic Chris, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Gore, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Sensory Overload, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, technically this can be read as queerplatonic or romantic, whichever floats ur boat homie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4895044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You can hear them you can hear them you can hear them, Help, it's so fucking close that the station feels like it's shaking under the pressure of the noise. You can hear them, they're so close, but they're too fucking far away. </i>
</p><hr/><p>The follow up fic to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4826309">Breaking Point</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fragmented

It's quiet. There isn't much to be said, so no one is saying anything. Josh occasionally lets out low whines or soft sobs, pressed against your side, and there's a soft wheeze coming from someone that you're not sure is healthy. You're all sitting there, looking, the cable car is almost there, you're almost done, you're almost off. 

A wendigo screeches, your body tenses frozen before you even get a chance to think about it, you press Josh closer to your side, trying to keep him still even though you're not sure if it even matters. You glance over at the others to make sure they're sitting still, Mike has his hand pressed on Sam's shoulder, she's holding Ashley. 

You're not sure if it can get in. You're not sure if it knows you're here. Surely it can smell right? Can it smell you? 

You think maybe it does. 

And if it doesn't, then it at least figured out your plan. 

It leaps onto the cable car. 

Ashley lets out a sob, muffled by the palm of her hand, but it's a sob all the same. Sam is vibrating with tension, Mike is subtly tensing his grip on the pistol. How many bullets are even left? You are silently losing all hope. You're not sure if Josh is even paying attention, not until he starts whispering apologies to Hannah. 

There's only a window between your small broken group and the monster, perched at the top of the cable car, looking around wildly for anything to move. The cable car jerks to its halt, the wendigo doesn't move. You get a glimpse of ink on its shoulder as it scuttles around the top, and feel ill. 

 _That's_ who Josh has been talking to. 

Mike is muttering at you all to not move, no one was moving in the first place, so you're not sure why he's bothering. It's like a mantra, maybe he's trying to keep himself calm.

You wish you could make yourself calm. You're so exhausted, you're not sure if you'll make it through another adrenaline rush. 

You hear a dull roar in the distance, and it's getting louder. 

Helicopters. Didn't Emily say something about radioing for help? Is that the help? 

They're going to be killed. 

The wendigo that used to be your best friend's sister looks around, and you can tell when she starts to see it, but she doesn't move. 

You can feel a sob building in your chest. 

You try desperately to swallow it back, but it's not working. There's a lot happening again. Hannah is right there, right outside that window, you can't move, but that helicopter is fucking loud and it's not getting any quieter, in fact, it's getting louder. Louder and louder pressing down into your ears, you think maybe your ears might start bleeding, you'd give anything to be able to cover your ears but you can't because if you move then she'll see and you doubt that the glass is going to keep her back. You doubt that the glass is going to do anything at all if she decides to fling herself through it, except maybe cause you injury before she starts to rip into you. 

You think you're going to be sick. 

You can hear them you can hear them you can hear them, Help, it's so fucking close that the station feels like it's shaking under the pressure of the noise. You can hear them, they're so close, but they're too fucking far away. 

You hear a scream. 

You hear a scream, and then the noise cuts off, turns into something wetter and less steady, you feel the ground shake when the helicopter hits the ground, and out of the corner of your eye, you see it explode. 

You can't move you can't move you can't move. 

Hannah jumps off, you don't know where she lands, somewhere off the platform. You don't know where she's going. To the helicopter? To the house? To the mines? Is she staying here, waiting for one of you to give in and move, so that she knows that you're here? 

You don't know, but you can't see her in the window. You hope to god that means that she can't see you either. 

You press your palms against your ears and curl in on yourself, you're planning on doing that but Josh is in the way, you decide that you don't care, and curl over him as well. He doesn't move. You don't care either way. 

Your hands muffle the sound of Ashley's panicked breathing, and Mike swearing. Josh and Sam are the only ones quiet in the room, you're not sure if you're quiet or not, you think you can feel your throat vibrating with a hum. You assume that you're correct when Josh shifts against you to push his forehead against the side of your throat. He's sweaty and covered in grime and you hate it but you don't move. 

You're all fucked. You're fucking out of luck and out of hope. There's no way you're making it off this fucking mountain. 

You survived the whole night, but there was no fucking point. You're all dead anyway. 

"Where is it going?" Sam hisses. 

"I don't know," Mike snaps back, "It's not strong enough to cut through the cable, right?" 

"I don't- I don't know, probably not?" Sam says, she edges closer to the window, trying to keep her eyes fixed on where you last saw the wendigo. "She's not heading towards the cables?"

"Well, if we want to get on that car we have to go now." Mike snaps, standing up quickly and then freezing, just in case. You try and pull yourself together,  _one last time one last time_ , you keep repeating it, telling yourself that if you say it enough times, then this time it'll be true. Try to pull yourself together and get Josh to stand up. He does, but he's shaking, you're not sure if he's going to be able to keep up if you suddenly have to run. 

You hope to god you don't have to run. 

"We're going to go on three," Mike decides, putting his hand on the door and preparing to run. "It might still be out there, we have to run." 

 _One last time_. 

But you don't think Josh is going to be able to do it, so you start to shift him behind you, and he refuses to budge until he seems to understand what you're doing. You manage to get him on your back, you're not sure how long you'll actually be able to carry him like this, he's a lot lighter than he used to be, but you're not that strong. But it's not that far, you should be able to make it. You have to be able to make it. 

You're not going to lose anyone else. 

"Three." Mike shoves the door open, the wendigo screeches, something knocks Mike down and he lets out a shout of pain, you push yourself and the girls past him, into the cable car. The gun fires, the wendigo lets out another screech, it's only a matter of time before the doors start to close, there's no  _time_. 

"Mike!" Sam yells, trying to shove past you, but you're not sure what her plan is. You don't think she has a plan at all, you hold her back. The adrenaline is probably the only reason you manage it. 

The doors start to close, you feel like you can't breathe. The gun goes off again and you flinch away from it, the doors are closing, you see Mike stagger upright. 

He slides through the doors a split second before they close. 

Hannah jumps on top of the car as it starts to move away. 

Mike is holding his shoulder, he looks scared as hell, you don't know if standing still is going to be enough to get you out of this. She saw you go in. There's only one way in and out of this place, but the only thing between you and her are windows, thin panes of glass, she knows you're in here. 

The wendigo screeches and the cable car shakes precariously, you reach out instinctively and pull Ashley against you to steady her, your other arm is trying to hold Josh up. Sam has already pushed past you anyway, she's kneeling next to Mike, legs bent in a painful position because of how she froze so suddenly.

The cable car is pulled completely away from the station, is she going to follow you down? Are you going to bring this  _fucking_ monster to the bottom of this mountain? If other people die, is that your fault? Your friends are dead, so are the people who were supposed to come up here to help, are more people going to die?

Can you even care anymore?

You mostly just feel numb. 

Hannah leaps back onto the cable car station platform, her limbs clinging to the bars at unnatural angles. She looks after the car, and you would say that she looks pissed, but maybe that's just what her face looks like now. You can't really comprehend that this used to be your friend, this used to be someone you knew, a human being you cared for. 

She scuttles off. Ashley's knees give out, and yours aren't that far behind. 

That's when Mike starts to speak. "Fuck fuck fuck  _fuck_ ," he's saying, he presses his mutilated hand against his shoulder, and pulls it back. It comes back bloody... Bloodier than before. "Fuck. She bit me."

You, Sam, and Ashley haven't told him that bites don't turn people. You agreed that you probably shouldn't, that it would be better if he didn't know. After what happened to Emily... 

But he's checking the gun, you know he's making sure there's another bullet in the chamber. 

He's going to shoot himself. 

"Mike, stop." Sam says urgently, trying to pull the gun out of his hand. "Stop it, this isn't a good idea."

"I'm not going to turn, and put the rest of you at risk. I'm not going to get off this mountain if it means I'm going to kill people down there." He yells, yanking his hand out of her grip and staggering back a few steps, into a corner of the car where no one is standing. 

"Mike, the bites, they aren't infectious!" Ashley says, "It doesn't _do_ anything!"

Mike doesn't look reassured, if anything, he looks worse.

"Jesus," he whispers hoarsely, "Jesus, _fuck_ , No." He stares down at the gun in his hand, then he points it at himself anyway. There are tears in his eyes, cutting through the blood and grime on his face. He tenses himself, squeezing his eyes shut. 

The gun goes off, and in the small space of the cable car it's loud as fuck, your hands move to cover your ears and you curl your body away from the noise. From your new angle, you can see blood splatter on the floor, someone lets out a ragged cry of pain.

"What the _fuck_?" Mike yells, you look up, Josh is curled on the floor clutching the side of his face, you can see blood welling up through his fingers. Mike tosses the gun to the floor, you assume that means the chamber is empty. No more bullets. Thank fucking christ.  

You lurch forward unsteadily, Josh is breathing raggedly, his hand is pressed hard against the side of his face, you can see the corner of his mouth is torn open when he looks up at Mike. 

"You didn't make it all the way out of that shit to fucking shoot yourself." Josh yells, and then gags a little, you don't know if it's from pain or the blood that's seeping into his mouth. 

"You weren't  _there_ ," Mike insists, "You don't know what I did." 

"I don't give a  _fuck_ ," Josh spits, more blood splatters on the ground, you want to see how bad the damage is but you don't think he'll let you close until he's done, "what you did." His eyes are wide and wild, and there's something feral about the way he's moving, he's pissed. "I don't give a- you don't... you don't get to-" he chokes, breaks off, makes a noise somewhere between a sob and another retch. You move forward, he lets you. 

You're pretty sure that Sam hits Mike, but you're focused on trying to convince Josh to move his hand. The entire left side of his face is torn open, the worst of it is at the corner of his mouth, a tiny portion of it is ripped open all the way through, it ends in a deep gash across his cheekbone. 

"Fuck," you mouth, you were planning on saying that out loud, but whatever, you don't really need to. The gravity of the situation is carried on without your words. You fumble with yourself, you have to get something to stop the bleeding, but you don't have anything. Someone presses something into your hand, you look up to see Ashley and her beanie. "Thanks." you can't even tell if you made a noise that time, but she nods regardless. 

Josh is trembling. You don't even know how to apply pressure to a facial wound, it goes all the way through, how do you stop the bleeding on that side? Can you even stop the bleeding? Is it possible to bleed out through your  _face_? Your hands are shaking. Josh is making these small wheezy noises of pain.  _Fuck_. 

Ashley moves to sit next to you, Josh eyes her warily. "Josh, you need to bite down." Ashley tells him, "Give Chris something to press against, we have to try to stop the bleeding."

Josh narrows his eyes, swallows, then gags and spits instead, "'s in my mouth," he slurs out, but then he presses his teeth together like she said, you press down a little harder, but you can't tell if you're being too rough.

"Can I touch you?" Ashley asks, Josh's breath hitches, but he nods. Ashley's hand shakes, but she cradles the right side of Josh's face, ignoring when he lets out a choked noise of pain, and then gently maneuvers his head forward, and the blood starts to spill out of his mouth instead of down his throat. 

"We're really going to need to go to the hospital." Ash says, glancing over her shoulder at Mike and Sam. Sam is poking around Mike's fingers, and she looks up at you and nods. 

"Does anyone still have their cellphone?" she asks, "We should get a signal near the bottom, we can call an ambulance." 

You're too afraid to move your hands, and you've gone nonverbal again. Your phone is in your pocket, and you don't have any way of letting anyone know. 

Fucking  _ace_. 

You sigh and bite your lip and try to figure out a way to get this out. Josh looks up at you, and then sticks his hand into your pocket and tosses it to Sam. 

"I've got your back, bro." Josh whispers. You're pretty sure he's trying for casual, you smirk and hope it's convincing enough for him.  

Ashley's hat is soaked through with Josh's blood, so is her jacket. But that wasn't real, this is real though. You feel like you're going to throw up, your body feels numb. The knit fabric is wet and slick and warm with blood under your fingers and against your palms. 

You hear Sam speaking, you guess there's a signal again. You wonder what the  _hell_ your story is supposed to be. There's no way that they're going to buy into the  _monsters,_  is there? And you can't tell them to go look, you can't, because then they'll die. More people will be dead. 

What are you going to say?

"Say it's all my fault." Josh says.

"Stop talking, you're going to make your face worse." Ashley snaps, pressing Josh's head further into your hands and cutting him off. "We're not going to say anything about you or that prank." 

Everyone turns to look at her, you would have thought that she was going to be the most pissed about what Josh did. Maybe second to Mike, but Mike didn't seem to care anymore once he found out that Josh wasn't behind what happened to Jess. You guess Josh didn't really  _do_ anything to Mike. 

Even Josh looks shocked, he looks like he wants to say something, but he keeps his mouth shut, like Ash told him to. "None of what happened was your fault. You're seriously fucked up, and I can't  _believe_ you did that to us, but none of that was your fault."

There are tears in Josh's eyes, he's staring at her like he can't even believe that she's real. 

"Well, then what  _are_ we supposed to say?" Mike asks, he pauses, "I shot Emily. I could-"

"Shut the hell up," Sam snaps, "None of us are taking the blame. We can- we can say there was some kind of animal up there. Everyone but Emily, that's probably what it looks like, and Em," her voice is thick, "Those things probably already got back in there." 

It's probably a bad thing that you're too tired and numb to feel anything about that. 

You think you're more relieved. You're tired of all these emotions.

"We can say we don't know what it was." Sam continues, "It was too dark, there was too much going on. They probably won't ask that many questions, I mean, look at us." 

You hope she's right.

-

It's a nightmare at the bottom. 

The ambulances have already arrived, sirens blaring and lights flashing. You have to keep your hands on Josh's cheek and keep moving forward, you're all walking unsteady as it is, you can't risk making the injury worse than it already is. You try to shut your eyes against the lights, but then you can't see where you're going and you have to make sure that you can see what's going on, you open your eyes again even though you don't want to. 

But then there are people, swarming you. Someone leads Mike in one direction, and someone else is pulling Josh away. You don't want them to, you need to make sure that everyone is okay, but you let them because they know what they're doing and you don't. You think that's going to be it. 

But then there are people touching you, grabbing at your shoulders, flashing lights at your face, in your eyes, pressing against your ribs and poking at your knees, trying to push you towards the vehicles that are still  _screaming_ even though there's no logical reason for them to be and fuck fuck fuck. 

You start trying to pull away, people keep grabbing you, you think there's even more of them now. They're trying to pull of your coat, and you can't  _breathe_ your heart is beating too fast, there's too many fucking people and they're all fucking  _touching you_ and god _damn_ you need it to fucking stop. But you can't speak and they won't let you go, you think they're probably taking your sudden tears as an expression of pain, and they're not wrong. But they keep looking for what's causing it but they're just making it worse holy  _shit_ what are you going to do. You think you accidentally hit someone, and now there's even more shouting and you can't make out any of it, it's all in your face all on your skin  _FUCK_. 

"Hey!" Someone shouts, "Hey stop it!" You can't get a hold of your breathing, you can't do anything, you can't get away from them, what is going on? "Get away from him! You're making him worse!" 

They're backing off, you have enough room to push away from the rest of them, your arms are shielding your head and you're gasping for breath but they're off of you and that's what matters right now. They're still yelling but you can cover your ears and you don't have to hear it so loud, they're not touching you and the sirens are getting shut off and you can breathe. 

Your vision is blurry when you look up, finally, you can breathe again and the other sensations are tolerable now. Sam and Ashley are looking at you.

"Are you okay now?" Ashley asks. You shrug, this is hands down the worst day you've ever had, each time you decide it can't get any worse, it decides to do just that. 

"They said that they weren't going to try and touch you anymore," Sam explains, "They said you're going to ride with us, and they're going to keep the sirens off, okay?" 

You nod because you're too tired to do anything else, you're not even sure if you can make it to the ambulance without help, but you're not sure if you can tolerate being touched anymore. You're so damn tired.

You force yourself to your feet, and somehow manage to make it. You nearly slip trying to step up into the back, and you flinch away from someone's "helping hand", but Sam stops them before they get close to you. 

The ride to the hospital is silent.

-

You're taking a break from college. 

You keep telling yourself that you'll go back eventually, but it's been over a month and you're not making any plans to return. 

You don't know what to do with yourself anymore. 

That seems to be the general consensus with what's left of your group. 

You've all moved into Josh's apartment, since it was the biggest. It started out with you only, but everyone else followed later. Ashley and Sam are still going to classes, you and Mike stopped. Josh is back on his medication. 

But nothing's  _okay_ anymore. 

You can't find a job, it's like your ability to fake neurotypicality was left up on that mountain along with Josh's (he's back on his meds, but they only do so much). Mike isn't faring much better, his hand makes it hard for him to find a job and his flares of anger and tendency to hit first and think later make it hard for him to keep them. Ashley says that her grades are dropping and her parents call every other week to demand updates. Josh's parents, on the other hand, you haven't heard from once since getting down. Sam is running herself fucking ragged trying to keep up with her work and the rest of you. 

You try to make up for each other's shortcomings, it's ended up at some probably unhealthy level of codependency. None of you can actually bring yourselves to care, but it's a goddamn mess. You're all a bunch of goddamn messes. Fragmented parts of people that used to be whole.

But you're still alive, you assume that has to count for something. 

You're just maybe not sure what yet. 

-

You're gasping for breath, confused and disoriented and coated in sweat, your tshirt is clinging uncomfortably to your skin, and for a delirious moment, you're glad you're not wearing pants. But you're not entirely sure where you are until after a few moments of wild glancing around, then you remember and you manage to force yourself to relax slightly. It's two in the morning, you haven't slept through the night since you got down. Nightmares are a pain in the ass. 

"Are you okay?" Mike asks, you glance over to look at him. 

For whatever reason, Josh had a huge ass bed. It's not made to fit five people, but that hasn't stopped the five of you from sharing it. You fit, barely. It's cramped. It's nice.

You shrug weakly, there's not really a solid answer to questions like that anymore. Mike forces out a bitter laugh. 

"Bro. Same." Josh mumbles from somewhere behind Mike. He lifts his head up to look at you over Mike's leg, and you can see the partially healed wound on his face. The doctors offered some kind of cosmetic surgery to diminish the scarring, but he wouldn't let them. He won't tell any of you why not. You figure it's probably similar to the reason why Mike refuses any kind of prosthetics. "You should put in a movie, I've been up for hours." 

"Are we finished pretending to sleep now?" Ashley asks, peeking up over Josh's shoulder. 

"Sam's actually sleeping," Mike whispers loudly, "So maybe you want to lower your voices a little."

It's quiet for a moment.

"Does that mean we're not putting in a movie?" Josh asks. 

You sigh, push your glasses on, and get up to put in a movie. It's harder to find one now, because Josh destroyed half of his movie collection upon returning home. Most of it had been horror or action flicks, apparently most of it was meant to be some kind of research material. Josh tore apart anything even remotely similar or related to the incidents on the mountain. You don't blame him. (Still, coming over to visit to find him crying hysterically and sitting on the floor amidst a mess of shattered DVDs and ripped papers had been alarming to say the least)

You find something and you put it in, and turn around to find that everyone on the bed has shuffled around. Your previous spot on the edge of the bed has been filled by Mike, the only spot for you is between Josh and Ash. So you squeeze in there, and Ashley moves so that her head is resting on your chest and Josh takes your other hand in his. You glance down at the two of them, and Josh looks up to give you a dopey grin, which you make an effort to return. 

You still can't quite relax, not all the way. Some part of you still feels on edge and not okay, like you're still up on the mountain, and the nightmares only make it worse. You're nervous and paranoid and guilt-ridden because you should have, could have done more, you should have been able to save more of than just four.

But finally being able to be here with them, the five of you that _made_ it, it's taken the edge off. Toned down the urgency and anxiety. You're not as bad as you were when you were still trying to live on your own. So it's not okay, but it's better, and first steps have to be taken somewhere, you figure that this is a good place to start. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this took so long.  
> Side note: I'm in hell, and I keep getting new ideas, so there's probably going to be more to this series in the near/distant future.  
> [My Tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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